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From Bette Midler
Dear President Bush,
Today you called upon Congress to move quickly to amend the US Constitution,
and
set in Federal stone a legal definition of marriage. I would like to know
why.
In
your speech, you stated that this Amendment would serve to protect
marriage in America, which I must confess confuses me. Like you, I believe in
the
importance of marriage and I feel that we as a society take the institution far
too
lightly. In my circle of family, friends and acquaintances, the vast
majority have married and divorced — some more than once. Still, I believe in
marriage. I believe that there is something fundamental about finding another
person
on
this planet with whom you want to build a life and family, and make a
positive contribution to society. I believe that we need more positive role
models
for
successful marriage in this country — something to counteract the images
we
get bombarded with in popular culture. When we are assaulted with images of
celebrities of varying genres, be it actors, sports figures, socialites, or
even politicians who shrug marriage on and off like the latest fashion, it is
vitally mportant to the face of our nation, for our children and our future,
that we have a balance of commitment and fidelity with which to stave off the
negativity. I search for these examples to show my own daughter, so that she can
see
that marriage is more than a disposable whim, despite overwhelming
evidence to the contrary.
As
a father, I'm sure you have faced these same concerns and difficulties in
raising your own daughters. Therefore I can also imagine that you must
understand how thrilled I have been over the past few weeks to come home and
turn on
the
news with my family. To finally have concrete examples of true commitment,
honest love, and steadfast fidelity was such a relief and a joy. Instead of
speaking in the hypothetical, I was finally able to point to these men and
women, standing together for hours in the pouring rain, and tell my child that
this is what its all about. Forget Britney. Forget Kobe. Forget Strom. Forget
about all the people that we know who have taken so frivolously the pure and
simple beauty of love and tarnished it so consistently. Look instead at the joy
in
the beautiful faces of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon — 51 years together! I
mean, honestly Mr. President — how many couples do you know who are together
for
51
years? I'm sure you agree that this love story provides a wonderful
opportunity to teach our children about the true meaning and value of marriage.
On
the
steps of San Francisco City Hall, rose petals and champagne, suits and
veils, horns honking and elation in the streets; a celebration of love the likes
of
which this society has never seen.
This morning, however, my joy turned to sadness, my relief transformed into
outrage, and my peace became anger. This morning, I watched you stand before
this nation and belittle these women, the thousands who stood with them, and the
countless millions who wish to follow them. How could you do that, Mr.
President? How could you take something so beautiful - a clear and defining
example
of
the true nature of commitment — and declare it to be anything less? What is
it
that validates your marriage which somehow doesn't apply to Del Martin and
Phyllis Lyon? By what power, what authority are you so divinely imbued that
you
can stand before me and this nation and hold their love to a higher
standard?
Don't speak to me about homosexuality, Mr. President. Don't tell me that the
difference lies in the bedroom. I would never presume to ask you or your wife
how
it is you choose to physically express your love for one another, and I
defy you to stand before Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon and ask them to do the
same. It is none of my business, as it is none of yours, and it has nothing to
do
with the "sanctity of marriage". I'm sure you would agree that marriage is far
more than sexual expression, and its high time we all
started focusing on all the other aspects of a relationship which hold it
together over the course of a lifetime. Therefore, with the mechanics of sex set
aside, I ask you again — what makes a marriage? I firmly believe that whatever
definition you derive, there are thousands upon thousands of shining examples
for
you to embrace.
You
want to protect marriage. I admire and support that, Mr. President.
Together, as a nation, let us find and celebrate examples of what a marriage
should
be.
Together, let us take couples who embody the principles of commitment,
fidelity, sacrifice and love, and hold them up before our children as role
models for their own futures. Together, let us reinforce the concept that love
is
about far more than sex, despite what popular culture would like them to
believe.
Please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of our society, for the
sake of our future, do not take us down this road. Under the guise of
protection, do not support divisiveness. Under the guise of unity, do not
endorse
discrimination. Under the guise of sanctity, do not devalue commitment. Under
the
guise of democracy, do not encourage this amendment.
Bette Midler
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